Some people start their holiday shopping in September, when Target pushes aside the clearance flip-flops and the leftover Jonas Brothers Trapper Keepers to make room for an unholy amount of tinsel and cheer. Turn left at the Halloween candy and you are smack dab in the middle of a Winter Wonderland – even thought there’s a good chance that you’re wearing a sundress at the time. Other people wait until the paycheck before Christmas/Chanukah/Kwaanza/Festivus/Yule and hit the mall at a breakneck speed, scooping up whatever they can get their hands on until they come to in the parking lot with an armful of Family Guy calendars and Hickory Farms gift baskets.

Not YOU though! You are thoughtful. You are reasonable. You plan ahead AND you have remarkable taste. That’s why you’re doing your holiday shopping at TopatoCo. You’re going to pay attention to the shipping deadlines and you are going to get your gifts in plenty of time to slap some dollar store wrapping paper on them and tuck them under the tree/menorah/kinte cloth/aluminum pole/log.

If you order by the following deadlines, your package should have plenty of time to get where it is intended to go. Please keep in mind that we here at TopatoCo do a lot of things, but actually deliver your package is not one of those things. Once the package leaves our warehouse, it is up to the postal service to get it to you. Also, if you live outside of the US there will most likely be customs fees. Those are on you, dude.

USPS INTERNATIONAL FIRST CLASS = November 22 (Not Guaranteed. It SHOULD get there but there’s a 10% chance it will arrive after Dec 25. USPS International First Class is HELLA flaky).

USPS DOMESTIC EXPRESS = December 21

Shipping times for UPS vary, depending on where you are located, but are guaranteed. For information please visit the UPS web site to calculate shipping times and plan accordingly.

Now let’s get to consumerin’! The more discerning people on your shopping list literally don’t want anything from any other merchant. Don’t ruin Christmas. Again.

Don't mess with The Postmaster. POSTMASTER SMASH

Yes! Yes we do have friends, and they are coming over on November 14th to mingle with ‘the people’.  We’ll all be hanging out from 12 to 6 at TopatoCo HQ. Come say hello, grab some cheap clearance stuff, start your holiday shopping early, bring us cupcakes to soak up the hootch.

Sam Brown found out the hard way that the US Postal Service does not appreciate a package that says, “Exploding Dog” on it – even when you try to explain that it’s your comic and you’re famous on the internet. So he hitched his wagon to the TopatoCo wagon train because somebody told him that we know where we’re going. If you walk up to him and say a random phrase, he will make a comic out of it! This proves awkward for Sam when he is walking through New York City as he ends up handing out a lot of comics to hobos.

Andrew Hussie is a mad genius who lives in a secret lair under the MBTA tunnels of Boston. He spends all of his waking hours updating MS Paint Adventures and plotting revenge on his nemesis, Ryan North.  Eschewing food and sunlight, he will not rest until MSPA is so huge that it takes over the entire internet. He is about 45% of the way there.

Local Hero Jeph Jacques was recently thought missing, until his wife heard a muffled crying coming from underneath a pile of fancy guitars and pulled him to safety. He chronicled his brave journey in the Oprah’s Book Club selection “A Million Little Picks”, and is now back from sailing around the world in time to hang out with us and resume work on his opus. Coming in  from out of town?  You can take the Questionable Content Tour through downtown Northampton while you are here. I am told that is a Thing.

Jeffrey Rowland is the creator of the popular webcomics Overcompensating and Wigu. He accidentally built an innovative and successful business with the webcomics merchandise distribution juggernaut TopatoCo, and now he doesn’t sleep very much. He lives in Massachusetts in a fortified bunker that he keeps stocked with taco fixin’s and the kind of beer that only old men drink. He’s pretty happy as long as those stupid butt cats keep quiet.

fiesta!

In our unending mission to tighten our fierce, talon-like tentacles around every good thing extant on the six and a half normal internets, we have just taken one giant leap closer to total global domination. TopatoCo is proud to unveil the MaxFunStore, featuring all kinds of crazy products from MaximumFun.org.

WHAT IS MAXIMUM FUN? You mean you don’t know? Maximum Fun is the internet home of Jesse Thorn, who has a show on the radio and the podcasts called The Sound of Young America, on which he interviews everybody ever in the world of comedy, music and entertainment. Like, literally everybody from Andrew W.K. to Zach Galifianakis. Then he’s got a thing called Jordan, Jesse, Go! which is a comedy podcast where John Hodgman is a recurring character as an all-powerful judge. That is just par for the course in Jesse Thorn’s world.

Also he is a nerd about dressing nice so all his products are printed on the super-duper-premium Alternative Apparel brand. He’s got our first-ever embroidered polo as well as a hoodie he claims you will want to know carnally, it is so freaking soft.

Also Jesse’s doing some of his comedian friends a solid and offering products for them too: Andy Daly’s Mustache TV, which is America’s Number One Television-Based Mustache Game For Parties, and a logo shirt for Kasper Hauser, who are sketch comedy geniuses.

Now, here is the thing. As a public-radio person, Jesse is used to doing pledge-drives and asking for donations. We’re pleased to guide him on this critical step away from Communism and into the vagaries of the free market. LET US MAKE IT HAPPEN AT ONCE