When Frank was a lad, his parents told him to shut the front door so as not to let a draft in. He misheard this sensible advice as an admonition against allowing entrance to a “giraffe,” and by his own admission has been smitten by the lengthy creatures ever since. In much the same fashion, the giraffe on our charming new shirt is smitten with a mechanical construction-giraffe. We hope it will allow you to broadcast your feelings on same to all within eyeshot of your torso.

Wait who the heck is Frank anyway? Frank is one half (with Becky, the other) of the internet comic strip “Tiny Kitten Teeth”, our newest partner in delightful-goodsmongery! Frank & Becky describe “TKT” (as the kids will come to call it) as a hand-painted, saturated and satirical ode to the vintage books and animated films loved by whimsical adults and precocious children worldwide. We think it’s just peachy-keen comickin’, a highly engaging and wonderfully-distinctive strip that will charm your shirt right off — thus leaving you strategically vulnerable to the aforementioned giraffe or the schooner-addicted owl seen above. WARNING: Not for purchase by candy salesmen, as you may become legally too attractive to children.

Not into, you know, color? Rather remind everyone you come into contact with of the myriad ways that each day might lead inexorably into pit-staring, moan-filled problems? Dorothy’s “The Hundred Daily Dreads of Everyday Living” poster has now been issued in portable/wearable form, so that even on the move out in the bright, wide, pointy world, we might be kept sharply prepared in case anything, absolutely anything at all, happens. Because it could. Reassuring smiles from strangers are absolutely not included.

Finally, having overheard us mention the normal, everyday miseries that each human with a soul is ultimately subject to, our friend and yours Ryan has issued a succinct but comprehensive answer. “No,” he says kindly but firmly, “there is, instead, this.”