There once was a cartoonist who had herself a pony. This bold but dim pony served in gallant service to warriors and kings; to criminals and princes. And now this same diminutive creature may enter your service! For TopatoCo is pleased to present the Fat Pony Figurine, an exclusive limited run of hand-crafted miniature equines for you to enjoy. These are not the generic plastic rubber ponies you can get in a gumball machine outside the dingier of the city’s two supermarkets; no! We are talking here about an ultra-special item.
The pony’s Adonisian physique was first sculpted in clay by the celebrated Nikki Rice Malki. Each ear, hoof, manelock and bellybulge was wrought from naught, ne’er daring to dream what wonders might yet come, what adventures were yet to see.
The clay form finished, Nikki secreted our fair friend in a walled prison of foam-core board and drowned him in liquid silicone:
Once cured, the silicone formed a mold that our Adamic pioneer was extracted from. Casting resin poured into this mold created our first cloned pony — who, in turn, became the basis for further molds:
Eventually, five separate molds began to birth pony after pony after pony in a scene shockingly similar to the best of the unlicensed foreign knockoffs of the Terminator franchise (as directed by the Turkish David Lynch):
Each raw pony was individually sanded and polished to a murderous gleam, before being primed with a tawny base coat (handsome and perfect for attracting pony paramours)…
Then the details of each were painstakingly hand-painted with multiple coats of acrylic:
Finally, each pony was lacquered and introduced to its new home: fine, comfortable white-cardboard sensory-deprivation chambers, within which they will sleep until awakened at the promise of a beautiful new life with you. The boxes are all sealed and numbered so you can be assured of your pony’s freshness!
Each figurine also includes a jovial multipurpose pony sticker and a hand-drawn, individually signed and numbered pony sketch by the Pony Mistress herself, Kate Beaton.
Our ultra-limited Fat Pony Figurines will go on sale on Friday, March 19, at noon Eastern time, so please set your pony-alarms accordingly. UPDATE: They are all gone. Congrats to everyone who snagged one! Hooray for ponies!
p.s. ponies