Contents: One Naked Person Shirt
My daddy used to tell me that a person is only as naked as the amount of clothes they have on. He's right, you know. If it wasn't for that old, wrinkled shirt and trousers that you can't honestly remember the last time were washed, you'd be sitting there in your ratty underpants. Inappropriate.
My daddy also used to tell me about Bigfoots and scorpions as big as cars, too.
Shirt Info: Screenprinted on super-soft, comfortable, and socially responsible American Apparel Mens/Unisex M434 Mélange Jersey Short Sleeve Gym T (Standard) -OR- Canvas 3055c in Heather Brown/Brown and Girls M304 Mélange Jersey Short Sleeve Gym T in Mélange Tan/Brown! ***These do tend to run small, if in doubt order a size up*** Due to availability, 2XL and 3XL are printed on Gildan Ultra-Cotton shirts in Prairie Dust. See sizing information first, especially if you haven't ordered American Apparel before!
Please refer to these charts before ordering if you are not familiar with the brand of shirt it is printed on! The style of shirt should be identified in the description. Ladies shirt sizes can be especially zany, as many ladies have no doubt noticed in stores. The Human Bird and Paperklip even made an incredibly charming video about those.
One thing to keep in mind American Apparel, Royal Apparel, and Alternative Apparel all run about a size smaller than their Gildan/Hanes counterparts. Ladies 2XLs are pretty small, and if you were to be in the market for a Ladies 3XL, the size basically picks back up at Unisex Large. The cut is slightly different but the message is the same: you are cooler than everyone else.
Some Basic Information
Packages—if all items are in stock—usually leave our Western Massachusetts warehouse within 1 - 4 business days. However, if one of your items is currently on Short Delay/Reprinting that means it is currently in production, it may take up to three weeks to ship, but usually much quicker. If you need something for a specific time/event, or would like to split your order, please submit a Support Ticket and we'll see what we can do.
We also don't require delivery signatures unless you specifically request it.
If You Are in the US
We currently ship things a couple of different ways.
If You Are... Elsewhere
We ship things internationally using DHL eCommerce!
Packages ship in 1-4 business days if not indicated Short Delay. You will be responsible for import taxes, customs, VAT, and other country-specific fees upon receipt of your package.
We offer DHL Parcel eCommerce shipping options for if you're in a low to medium rush, and USPS Priority Express international for when you need something ASAP and money is of no concern to you. They're priced according to speed and tracking accuracy.
- DHL First Class: 220 Countries, Final Delivery scan to most countries, 3-21 days.
- DHL Priority: 220 Countries, Much Better Tracking*, 14 average transit days.
- USPS Priority Mail Express International: 3-5 average transit days is what they advertise!
Please note that we cannot mark packages as "Gifts" to help you evade customs, as that's international mail fraud and they'll throw us in jail which is pointless in a way since no jail can hold us. It is however very inconvenient.
Still have a question about shipping? We have a whole bunch of FAQs about specific things that you should go check out.