Shut Your Piehole! Shirt
Artwork by Aaron Draplin!
Mens/Unisex shirts are printed on American Apparel or Royal Apparel 5051, and Ladies shirts are printed on Gildan Softstyle (64000L). 3XL and 4XL may be substituted with a different brand. Not sure what size you need? We have all these size charts! Always order up a size if in doubt.
Please refer to these charts before ordering if you are not familiar with the brand of shirt it is printed on! The style of shirt should be identified in the description. Ladies shirt sizes can be especially zany, as many ladies have no doubt noticed in stores. The Human Bird and Paperklip even made an incredibly charming video about those.
One thing to keep in mind American Apparel, Royal Apparel, and Alternative Apparel all run about a size smaller than their Gildan/Hanes counterparts. Ladies 2XLs are pretty small, and if you were to be in the market for a Ladies 3XL, the size basically picks back up at Unisex Large. The cut is slightly different but the message is the same: you are cooler than everyone else.
Some Basic Information
Packages—if all items are in stock—usually leave our Western Massachusetts warehouse within 1 - 4 business days. However, if one of your items is currently on Short Delay/Reprinting that means it is currently in production, it may take up to three weeks to ship, but usually much quicker. If you need something for a specific time/event, or would like to split your order, please submit a Support Ticket and we'll see what we can do.
We also don't require delivery signatures unless you specifically request it.
If You Are in the US
We currently ship things a couple of different ways.
If You Are... Elsewhere
We ship things internationally using DHL eCommerce!
Packages ship in 1-4 business days if not indicated Short Delay. You will be responsible for import taxes, customs, VAT, and other country-specific fees upon receipt of your package.
We offer DHL Parcel eCommerce shipping options for if you're in a low to medium rush, and USPS Priority Express international for when you need something ASAP and money is of no concern to you. They're priced according to speed and tracking accuracy.
- DHL First Class: 220 Countries, Final Delivery scan to most countries, 3-21 days.
- DHL Priority: 220 Countries, Much Better Tracking*, 14 average transit days.
- USPS Priority Mail Express International: 3-5 average transit days is what they advertise!
Please note that we cannot mark packages as "Gifts" to help you evade customs, as that's international mail fraud and they'll throw us in jail which is pointless in a way since no jail can hold us. It is however very inconvenient.
Still have a question about shipping? We have a whole bunch of FAQs about specific things that you should go check out.