Ragnarok Survival Kit
When the world unfortunately failed to end in 2012, as John Hodgman had predicted in his Netflix Special RAGNAROK, he was not only heaped with shame but also SURPLUS RAGNAROK SURVIVAL KITS. Specifically, 500 of them.
He created these kits because it seemed that the safest way to pack and mail a RAGNAROK extended DVD would be to surround it with mayonnaise. This is LOGIC.
But then he realized he also wanted to include an engraved urine flask, a sample of his mustache DNA, his downloaded consciousness on a thumb drive, and a beautiful, non-ironic unisex fragrance that may be called “Sperm-Whale,” or “Whale” or “Sperm,” depending on how you read the rebus.
It was all designed by JESSICA HISCHE, who is a genius.
The mayonnaise was made by our friends at the late EMPIRE MAYONNAISE in Brooklyn. Mayonnaise is for entertainment purposes only.
The fragrance was designed to my totally non-joke specifications by DROM.
The urine flask is empty, but urine is easily made at home.
And remember the DVD? It really exists, in hard copy, Omega-Pulse-Proof form, and it features not only ALL of RAGNAROK, but additional comedy by John Hodgman, additional songs by Cynthia Hopkins, and appearances by Ira Glass and Andrew Sullivan and Tom Scharpling that sadly were cut from the Netflix edit for time.
And it all fits within a custom, hard-sided GO BAG, signed by John Hodgman, and sealed and delivered by us.
Please refer to these charts before ordering if you are not familiar with the brand of shirt it is printed on! The style of shirt should be identified in the description. Ladies shirt sizes can be especially zany, as many ladies have no doubt noticed in stores. The Human Bird and Paperklip even made an incredibly charming video about those.
One thing to keep in mind American Apparel, Royal Apparel, and Alternative Apparel all run about a size smaller than their Gildan/Hanes counterparts. Ladies 2XLs are pretty small, and if you were to be in the market for a Ladies 3XL, the size basically picks back up at Unisex Large. The cut is slightly different but the message is the same: you are cooler than everyone else.
Some Basic Information
Packages—if all items are in stock—usually leave our Western Massachusetts warehouse within 1 - 4 business days. However, if one of your items is currently on Short Delay/Reprinting that means it is currently in production, it may take up to three weeks to ship, but usually much quicker. If you need something for a specific time/event, or would like to split your order, please submit a Support Ticket and we'll see what we can do.
We also don't require delivery signatures unless you specifically request it.
If You Are in the US
We currently ship things a couple of different ways.
If You Are... Elsewhere
We ship things internationally using DHL eCommerce!
Packages ship in 1-4 business days if not indicated Short Delay. You will be responsible for import taxes, customs, VAT, and other country-specific fees upon receipt of your package.
We offer DHL Parcel eCommerce shipping options for if you're in a low to medium rush, and USPS Priority Express international for when you need something ASAP and money is of no concern to you. They're priced according to speed and tracking accuracy.
- DHL First Class: 220 Countries, Final Delivery scan to most countries, 3-21 days.
- DHL Priority: 220 Countries, Much Better Tracking*, 14 average transit days.
- USPS Priority Mail Express International: 3-5 average transit days is what they advertise!
Please note that we cannot mark packages as "Gifts" to help you evade customs, as that's international mail fraud and they'll throw us in jail which is pointless in a way since no jail can hold us. It is however very inconvenient.
Still have a question about shipping? We have a whole bunch of FAQs about specific things that you should go check out.