Machine of Death Book
The #1 Amazon bestseller! The book that got Glenn Beck mad. This collection of 34 stories and 36 illustrations by everyone you've ever heard of in webcomics is about a machine that can tell you, cryptically but with 100% accuracy, how you are going to die. Ryan North, Matthew Bennardo, and David Malki ! selected the stories, commissioned the illustrations, and contributed themselves!The machine had been invented a few years ago: a machine that could tell, from just a sample of your blood, how you were going to die. It didn’t give you the date and it didn’t give you specifics. It just spat out a sliver of paper upon which were printed, in careful block letters, the words DROWNED or CANCER or OLD AGE or CHOKED ON A HANDFUL OF POPCORN. It let people know how they were going to die.
The problem with the machine is that nobody really knew how it worked, which wouldn’t actually have been that much of a problem if the machine worked as well as we wished it would. But the machine was frustratingly vague in its predictions: dark, and seemingly delighting in the ambiguities of language. OLD AGE, it had already turned out, could mean either dying of natural causes, or shot by a bedridden man in a botched home invasion. The machine captured that old-world sense of irony in death — you can know how it’s going to happen, but you’ll still be surprised when it does.
You can also read the 100% free PDF version to see if it's something you might like!
Please refer to these charts before ordering if you are not familiar with the brand of shirt it is printed on! The style of shirt should be identified in the description. Ladies shirt sizes can be especially zany, as many ladies have no doubt noticed in stores. The Human Bird and Paperklip even made an incredibly charming video about those.
One thing to keep in mind American Apparel, Royal Apparel, and Alternative Apparel all run about a size smaller than their Gildan/Hanes counterparts. Ladies 2XLs are pretty small, and if you were to be in the market for a Ladies 3XL, the size basically picks back up at Unisex Large. The cut is slightly different but the message is the same: you are cooler than everyone else.
Some Basic Information
Packages—if all items are in stock—usually leave our Western Massachusetts warehouse within 1 - 4 business days. However, if one of your items is currently on Short Delay/Reprinting that means it is currently in production, it may take up to three weeks to ship, but usually much quicker. If you need something for a specific time/event, or would like to split your order, please submit a Support Ticket and we'll see what we can do.
We also don't require delivery signatures unless you specifically request it.
If You Are in the US
We currently ship things a couple of different ways.
If You Are... Elsewhere
We ship things internationally using DHL eCommerce!
Packages ship in 1-4 business days if not indicated Short Delay. You will be responsible for import taxes, customs, VAT, and other country-specific fees upon receipt of your package.
We offer DHL Parcel eCommerce shipping options. They're priced according to speed and tracking accuracy.
- DHL First Class: 220 Countries, Final Delivery scan to most countries, 3-21 days.
- DHL Priority: 220 Countries, Much Better Tracking*, 14 average transit days.
Please note that we cannot mark packages as "Gifts" to help you evade customs, as that's international mail fraud and they'll throw us in jail which is pointless in a way since no jail can hold us. It is however very inconvenient.
Still have a question about shipping? We have a whole bunch of FAQs about specific things that you should go check out.